“Helicopter parents” was formally born in 1990 by Jim Fay (professional consultant in the areas of parenting and school discipline) and Foster W. Cline (psychiatrist) in their work “Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility”.

Helicopter parents earn this symbolically interesting title because they seem to ‘hover’ over their children in an effort of trying to control their lives in order to protect them from harm, disappointment, or mistakes. Not only are these parents overprotective because they fear for their children’s safety, but they also attach their own self-worth and identity to the accomplishments and successes of their children.

These parents have a hard time letting go, are constantly intervening, and won’t let their children make own mistakes. Therefore their children have very limited chances to develop social skills, problems solving skills, decision making and creativity.

The followings are some typical areas within their ‘control’:

1) They fight for their children

They will call their children’s friends to settle disputes. They will visit teachers to tell them what to do in teaching and disciplining. They will also protest a bad grade, or argue what they perceive to be unfair treatment in social and academic situations.

2) They do their children’s homework
They will take on their children’s homework to ensure accuracy. You can imagine they sit next to their children pointing out all the mistakes and make corrections. They will assume their children’s exams as their responsibilities and commitment. They can be more stressful than their children.

3) They assume their children’s performance as own performance
They believe that if they have put enough effort (be it time or money) in their children’s education, their children will perform up to their expectations. They will be focusing on how many As in their children’s results. They get embarrassed by their children’s failures because they feel they reflect poorly on themselves.  So they will engage in a process of justification, claim unfairness, list excuses, or try to ‘fix’ the issue.

4) They are afraid to ‘lose face’
Approval is given for expected behaviour and disobedience is questioned because it makes the parents look bad and puts the children’s safety at risk.

5) They are controlling
They are preoccupied and sometimes even obsessed with their children’s activities and schedules. They control what friends are for their children, what activities their children should join, what decisions their children should make and many more.

6) They are too worried
Helicopter parents fear for their children’s safety to such an extent that they will not allow them to take any risks. These are the stereotypical ‘bubble wrap’ parents who in the most extreme sense would prefer to lock their children up or create a buffer between them and the real world.

If you have a three- or four-year-old who is new to preschool, be prepared to handle the separation with unpredictable behaviour from your child.

Some children will cling to parent excessively, some will cry and refuse to step into the class, some will get excited with the toys and activities, some will get into fights with playmates. If your child does not show ‘usual behaviour’, don’t be alarmed. Starting preschool is a big step for children, and the anxiety they experience is a perfectly normal part of the developmental process.

There are certainly ways you can make the transition to preschool less stressful.

Talk about preschool

In the weeks before school begins, discuss things associated with preschool with your child. Bring your child to preschool and show him the setting and say hi to the teachers. Express enthusiasm and excitement at all he is going to do at school. Discuss about your child’s daily routine after starting preschool such as he needs to wake up early and get dressed, he can get help from teacher at school, he will be going home at noon. The main idea is to make preschool something exciting to look forward to, rather than something to fear.

Try Time Away from You

Before your child starts school, you can gauge how he deals with separation anxiety with a trial run. Try leaving him with a relative or close family friend, or suggest a sleepover at grandma’s house. See how your child reacts to being without you in a safe and supervised environment.

New stuff to bring to school

Your child will be feeling excited if schooling is associated with new bag, new shoes, new water tumbler, new clothes and others. Who wouldn’t want schooling experience like birthday celebration?  However do not overdo it.

On the First Day

Take a token from home

Ask your child if he would like to take something from home with him on his first day. Encourage him to choose something small and comforting, like a soft toy or a favourite sticker. Some children prefer their pillow or bolster. The presence of a familiar object can give your child a sense of security in the new environment.

Help your child adapt to the environment

Sometimes teachers can be terribly busy with parents and demanding children on the first day. You can spend some time in your child's classroom. You can connect your child with other children, point out the washroom and snack area. If the teacher has set up an arts and crafts activity to occupy and engage children, try to get your child involved in the activity.

Respond to distress

If your child is anxious and crying, do not scold or ridicule his distress, and do not try to bribe him into behaving. Just remain calm and reiterate that you will be back to pick him up at the end of the school day. Remind your child that the teacher can help him whenever he needs help, and he will be doing exciting things.

Say goodbye in brief

It is not easy to leave a miserable crying child. Even such, you have to make your goodbye cheerful and brief. Don't come back after you have already said goodbye, and don't slip out of the room unnoticed. Your child needs trust and security. Again, remind your child when you will return, and make sure you are not late picking him up.

Your child will adapt to the new environment pretty soon if you are a well prepared parent, don’t you think?

Good luck to you!

1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If it’s in my hand, it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I’m doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks like it’s mine, it’s mine.
8. If I saw it first, it’s mine.
9. If I can see it. it’s mine.
10. If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.
11. If I want it. it’s it’s mine.
12. If I need it, it’s mine.
13. If I say it’s mine, it’s mine.
14. If you don’t stop it from playing with it, it’s mine.
15. If you tell me I can play with it, it’s mine.
16. If it will upset me too much when you take it away from me, it’s mine.
17. If I can play better than you can, it’s mine.
18. If I play with it long enough, it’s mine.
19. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it’s mine.
20. If it’s broken, it’s yours (no wait, all the pieces are mine).

(excerpted from Maxwell, 2009, ‘Everyone Communicates, Few Connect’)

Hence, as parents, we are helping children to learn that they are not the center of the universe (even though they are the center of parent’s world). As children grow, from being self-centred, they begin to see things from others’ perspectives. They develop empathy. They develop friendship. They develop social skills. And the school is a great place for them to step out of their comfort zone and learn what is ’socially acceptable behaviour’ and sometimes, the cruel reality.

• Find your passion and persevere in what you want to achieve. If you haven’t found it, keep looking. Don’t settle.

• Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me … Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful… that’s what matters to me.”

• You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

• Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower.

• Sometimes when you innovate, you make mistakes. It is best to admit them quickly, and get on with improving your other innovations.

• Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

• Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works.

• Almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

• Be hungry, be foolish.

“It is a joyful experience to get together and contribute our efforts in protecting our mother earth. Through this process, children as well as parents will pay more attention to the importance of protecting the environment. As the saying goes ‘a little help goes a long way’” ~ Lim Tin Jack

“The project has created a great deal of awareness in both Ryan and myself on ways to protect and save our environment besides the usual recycling efforts. Ryan is now very much interested in environmental issues and constantly wants to be a part of ’saving the world’ mission. He even thought of his very own ‘invention’ to clean up the environment. We now think twice before throwing banana skins.” ~ parents of Ryan Lam

“Please remember to seal the cap tightly (garbage enzyme bottle) so it will not blow away at night.” ~ Faam Rui Qi, 6 years old

“Making eco enzyme is quite easy. It was first started by my daughter, Chloe. Teacher in school had taught her to make the enzyme and she insisted to help me to make it.” ~ Jacqueline

“A lot of organising have to be done in order to make a large quantity. Nevertheless great effort and happy to be able to contribute.” ~ parents of Xian Rong

“It was easy to do with so little effort we are able to help the environment.” ~ Hian Zuan, 6 years old

“It is enjoyable in the process of making eco enzyme with my kid at home. She is interested in cutting, peeling off the fruits skin…. It is fun for her.” ~ mother of Lam Huey Yinn

“I have been making the eco enzyme since 2 years ago. I use them for house cleaning mostly, especially as floor cleaner. I do not have to buy floor cleaner since I started using eco enzyme, so I save money and at the same time, the floor is shinny clean and we hardly see ants or other insects moving around.” ~ mother of Tan Kai Lyn

“The making of eco-enzyme is simple & pleasant. ‘Simple’ because what I need to do is just to collect fruit skin. Most of the time I will just get pineapples (as it always smell nice) from the fruit sellers. Measure the weight and add in sugar & water according to measurement into a big tank that can produce >30kg eco-enzyme! It saves my household expenses that you cannot imagine! ‘Pleasant’ because whenever I visit the fruitseller, they always give me a big smile and will help me to load.” ~ mother of Chloe Kong

Do you let the water run while you are brushing and scraping your hands with soap? Do you let the water run while you are fetching water from the tap to rinse your mouth during teeth brushing? Do you use a hose to spray water when washing down the patio?

Those are common water wasting habits among us. You can definitely do better than that!

Here are the facts: Fresh water is very limited even though 3/4 of the earth is covered in water. We are accessible to merely 0.3% of the water on earth because most of the water is salt water and most of the fresh water is ice and glacier. With the rapid growth of human populations, the authorities have built reservoirs and dams to conserve water. However if water sources are not managed wisely, we are definitely going to run out of clean water soon!

So let’s start to save water, and let’s start from our homes. Each of us play an important role to save water, including young children.

Here are some tips on water saving that you can share with your family members:

1. Run your washing machine only when it is a full load.
2. Wash your fruits, vegetables and dishes in a pan of water instead of running water from the tap.
3. Shorten your shower.
4. Use a glass of water to rinse your mouth while brushing teeth.
5. Fix dripping water taps
6. Use a broom and bucket of water for washing down the patio rather than a steady flow of water from the hose.
7. Use a sponge and bucket of water to clean the car.
8. Collect rainwater with a water tank for re-using in the garden.
9. Use a dual-flush mechanism (full or half flush) in the toilet.
10. Use a bottle to refill water for drinking to reduce dish washing.

Some worry that their children watch too much TV or DVD. Some feel frustrated with siblings’ fights. Some are concerned that their children will have tough time catching up with studies after the holidays.

If you are not travelling during the school holidays, here are some interesting holiday ideas:

1) bake cakes or cookies together ~ read the recipe books with your child together, get your child to measure the ingredients, knead the dough, whip the cream and decorate the cake.

2) ‘dress up’ the bedroom or toy room together ~ tidy up, organise and label things,  paint the walls, decorate the wall with child’s painting, craft or writing, paste some sentimental or courageous phrases such as “Home is where the heart is“, “Better safe than sorry“, “A apple a day keeps the doctor away“.

3) role play ~ let your child pretend to be you for one day or half a day, you pretend to be him or her in exchange. Discuss the rules and conditions before the game starts. Both of you will experience an unusual but exciting day.

4) car wash ~ let your child help out with washing the car. Get ready to go wild with washing and splashing and ending up with fun water play.

5) charade ~ this is fun for the whole family! Two teams compete to guess the words or phrases by referring to gestures only.

6) memory box ~ let your child paste his or her photos, picture cuttings and stickers on the box. Keep memorable things like birthday cards, favourite items, notes from friends and report cards in the ‘memory box’.

7) a day with camera ~ we usually take photos on special occasions. Let your child take any photos in the house or the garden, then write diary or descriptions based on the photos taken.

nature walk ~ take your child to the natural park with a set of painting tools. Have a walk, a picnic and painting session in the park. Your child can draw the trees, the sky, the flowers that exist in front of him or her.

9) talent show ~ if you have few family members, invite your neighbours or relatives to join the show. Everyone can prepare a 3-5 minute show to perform, such as singing, acting, playing magic, dancing and telling jokes. Allow one week of preparation. You may have the talent show after a dinner party.

10) active sports ~ children are active beings. Take your child out for cycling, swimming, soccer game, baseball game etc will definitely make their day.

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?”

The little boy nodded yes.

“So,” the coach continued, “when a strike is called, or you’re out at first, you don’t argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?”

Again the little boy nodded.

“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain that to your mother.”

Very often, your child does not do things as you expect.

He messes things up and has no idea how to fix them. He fights with his siblings for toys and attention. He does dangerous actions such as jumping off the staircase and running in the kitchen. He is active when it is sleeping time.

Some parents think that children will learn discipline when as they grow. Some parents think that children are too young for discipline. These are incorrect perceptions.

Discipline is a form of love from you to your child. By educating and practicing discipline, you are building your child sense of responsibility, independence and dignity.

Whatever the age of your child, it is important to be consistent when it comes to discipline. If parents do not stick to the rules and consequences they set up, their kids are not likely to either.

As your child grows and begins to understand the connection between actions and consequences, make sure you start communicating the ‘house rules’. Explain to kids what you expect of them before you punish them for a certain behaviour. For instance, the first time your 2-year-old uses crayons to decorate the living room wall, discuss why that is not allowed and what will happen if your child does it again (for instance, your child will have to help clean the wall and will not be able to use the crayons for the rest of the day). You may also prepare larger sheets of paper for your child to draw as a solution.

The earlier that parents establish this kind of “I set the rules and you are expected to listen or accept the consequences” standard, the better for everyone. Although it is sometimes easier for parents to ignore occasional bad behaviour or not follow through on some threatened punishment, this sets a bad precedent. Consistency is the key to effective discipline, and it is important for parents to decide what the rules are and then uphold them.

While you become clear on what behaviours will be punished, do not forget to reward good behaviours. Do not underestimate the positive effect that your praise can have — discipline is not just about punishment but also about recognizing good behaviour. For instance, saying “I’m so happy that you help clean the table” is effective to reinforce the particular good behaviour. You have to be specific when doling out praise; do not just say, “Good boy!”

If your child continues an unacceptable behaviour no matter what you do, try making a ‘Good Behaviour and Not OK Bahaviour Chart’. You may draw a smiling face for ‘Good Behaviour’ and a sad face for ‘Not OK Behaviour’. Decide how many times the proper behaviour must be displayed before it is rewarded. Post the chart on a place that is accessible to you and your child, then track the good and unacceptable behaviours every day. This will give your child (and you) a concrete look at how it is going. Once this begins to work, praise your child for learning to control misbehaviour, especially, for overcoming any stubborn problem.

Timeouts also can work well for kids. Establish a suitable timeout place that is free of distractions and will force your child to think about how he or she has behaved. You may use a ‘Thinking Chair’ to create the awareness. Do not forget to consider the length of time that will best suit your child. Experts say one minute for each year of age is a good rule of thumb; others recommend using the timeout until the child is calmed down (to teach self-regulation).

It is important to tell kids what the right thing to do is, not just to say what the wrong thing is. Saying “don’t run” is equivalent to saying “run” because the “run” is an action word and “don’t” is often missed out. Say “Please walk” instead of “don’t run”. Say “Please talk softly” instead of “Don’t be noisy”.

Bahaviour management is an on-going process and it requires cooperation from everyone in the household. In the African saying ‘It takes a village to raise a child’, it will be much easier if family members understand your behaviour management techniques and enforce the same.

Do not assume quick results, but your effort will pay off one day. Good luck!

Nevertheless, I can feel my tears rolling every time I read it.

man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON:”Daddy, may I ask you a question?”

DAD:”Yeah sure, what is it?” replied the man.

SON:”Daddy, how much do you make an hour?”

DAD:”That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?” the man said angrily.

SON:”I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?”

DAD:”If you must know, I make Rs.100 an hour.”

SON:”Oh,” the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON:”Daddy, may I please borrow Rs.50?”

The father was furious, “If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behaviour.”
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy’s questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs.50 and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.

“Are you asleep, son?” He asked.

“No daddy, I’m awake,” replied the boy.

“I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier” said the man.

“It’s been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you.. Here’s the Rs.50 you asked for.”

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. “Oh, thank you daddy!” He yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

“Why do you want more money if you already have some?” the father grumbled.

“Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,” the little boy replied.

“Daddy, I have Rs.100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.”

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It’s just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.