When you see this term “helicopter parent” what comes to your mind? Is it about super rich parents who ferry their children about in helicopters? Well you are too far away.

“Helicopter parents” was formally born in 1990 by Jim Fay (professional consultant in the areas of parenting and school discipline) and Foster W. Cline (psychiatrist) in their work “Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility”.

Helicopter parents earn this symbolically interesting title because they seem to ‘hover’ over their children in an effort of trying to control their lives in order to protect them from harm, disappointment, or mistakes. Not only are these parents overprotective because they fear for their children’s safety, but they also attach their own self-worth and identity to the accomplishments and successes of their children.

These parents have a hard time letting go, are constantly intervening, and won’t let their children make own mistakes. Therefore their children have very limited chances to develop social skills, problems solving skills, decision making and creativity.

The followings are some typical areas within their ‘control’:

1) They fight for their children

They will call their children’s friends to settle disputes. They will visit teachers to tell them what to do in teaching and disciplining. They will also protest a bad grade, or argue what they perceive to be unfair treatment in social and academic situations.

2) They do their children’s homework
They will take on their children’s homework to ensure accuracy. You can imagine they sit next to their children pointing out all the mistakes and make corrections. They will assume their children’s exams as their responsibilities and commitment. They can be more stressful than their children.

3) They assume their children’s performance as own performance
They believe that if they have put enough effort (be it time or money) in their children’s education, their children will perform up to their expectations. They will be focusing on how many As in their children’s results. They get embarrassed by their children’s failures because they feel they reflect poorly on themselves.  So they will engage in a process of justification, claim unfairness, list excuses, or try to ‘fix’ the issue.

4) They are afraid to ‘lose face’
Approval is given for expected behaviour and disobedience is questioned because it makes the parents look bad and puts the children’s safety at risk.

5) They are controlling
They are preoccupied and sometimes even obsessed with their children’s activities and schedules. They control what friends are for their children, what activities their children should join, what decisions their children should make and many more.

6) They are too worried
Helicopter parents fear for their children’s safety to such an extent that they will not allow them to take any risks. These are the stereotypical ‘bubble wrap’ parents who in the most extreme sense would prefer to lock their children up or create a buffer between them and the real world.

Before School

If you have a three- or four-year-old who is new to preschool, be prepared to handle the separation with unpredictable behaviour from your child.

Some children will cling to parent excessively, some will cry and refuse to step into the class, some will get excited with the toys and activities, some will get into fights with playmates. If your child does not show ‘usual behaviour’, don’t be alarmed. Starting preschool is a big step for children, and the anxiety they experience is a perfectly normal part of the developmental process.

There are certainly ways you can make the transition to preschool less stressful.

Talk about preschool

In the weeks before school begins, discuss things associated with preschool with your child. Bring your child to preschool and show him the setting and say hi to the teachers. Express enthusiasm and excitement at all he is going to do at school. Discuss about your child’s daily routine after starting preschool such as he needs to wake up early and get dressed, he can get help from teacher at school, he will be going home at noon. The main idea is to make preschool something exciting to look forward to, rather than something to fear.

Try Time Away from You

Before your child starts school, you can gauge how he deals with separation anxiety with a trial run. Try leaving him with a relative or close family friend, or suggest a sleepover at grandma’s house. See how your child reacts to being without you in a safe and supervised environment.

New stuff to bring to school

Your child will be feeling excited if schooling is associated with new bag, new shoes, new water tumbler, new clothes and others. Who wouldn’t want schooling experience like birthday celebration?  However do not overdo it.